I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
