Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Randomize
