i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
