Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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