is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
