A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
