I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
