his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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