When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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