so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
