Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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