True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
