we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
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