Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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