Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
How drunk are you?
Completed.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
