I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
