Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
