PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
