I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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