I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
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