he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize