I'm lost and stupid without you.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
