I need to stop coming to work sober
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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