It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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