your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
