I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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