Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Every concussion has its silver lining
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
