Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
