I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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