Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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