His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
