I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
