Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize