"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize