You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
