DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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