Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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