Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
