you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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