i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Can you repeat that, but with context?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
