we're chasing vodka with high fives
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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