Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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