I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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