the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
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