just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
