Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
