I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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