So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Less talking, more tequila
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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