2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize