new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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