I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
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