Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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