So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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