TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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