oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
