You really coming over, don't trick.
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Randomize
