I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
