u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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