Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
