I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize