I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
