he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize