There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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