Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
