U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
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