I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
