i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
