i think my tv is drunk
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
