i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
