Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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