these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
