No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
My butt remains clenched, sir.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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