My liver just broke up with me...
im six kinds of drunk right now
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
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Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
